It hadn't really hit me yet until tonight. I haven't even sat down to read his birth story all over again, to relive the best day of my life. Finally though, I found myself tearing up while thinking about all the things I love about Liam at age two.
Sometimes, as I'm sure many parents do, I find myself staring at Liam while he's doing something. Playing, eating, sleeping, whatever it is I am sitting there with my eyes on him willing my mind to take a mental picture of that moment. Asking myself to please remember what this was like- what it feels like to have a two year old son right there in front of me, living his life.
Then, almost in the same minute I sometimes find myself fast forwarding to fifty years down the road. Me being an aged woman laying in bed, falling asleep, trying to pull from my mind these images that I took mental pictures of years and years ago. Not being able to remember exactly what this all felt like. It's painful to think that these days are too fast and that we won't even be able to remember every little bit of them.
One reason why blogging is good- it helps you to remember. And if you can't maybe someone else read your post and they can remind you. ;)
I thought that maybe if I expressed some of these things in "writing" I might give myself an advantage to remembering these good ol' days. Remembering the way that Liam says "hug me" when we are laying in bed in the morning and grabs my head with his arms. Remember the way he asks "heart beat?" and pulls my head onto his chest so I can listen to his heart beat, ever since I have shown him exactly where his heart beats in his tiny body. Remember that when we are walking the canal together that he gets "thirsy", grabs his cup, points to me, and says "Mama thirsy too" and encourages me to stay hydrated. Remember the way he randomly starts hopping around a room, shouting "hop, hop, hop!". I want to remember that after every meal I have with him at home that I grab him out of his chair and tell him it's "mama-baby time" and he sits on my lap and we talk and tickle and laugh for a few minutes before he runs off to play again. And that every time after dinner I ask him what time it is and he says "mama-beeby-time" and jumps into my lap. I hope to remember that he counts the number of stairs as he walks up them. I need to remember how he has me dance with him before bed, how we look out the window for the moon every single night and when it's not there I can feel his disappointment. I want to remember that his favorite foods are mac and cheese and cake.
I want to remember everything, but I know I won't. I can't even remember the details of last week as well as I did yesterday. Time puts distance between us and our memories. And it really, really is a shame.
For now, let me remember these wonderful things. I know every time I read this post I will get a smile on my face, thinking back on my child as he was when he turned two years old. I know these little moments may no longer exist next year at this time, for Liam will have grown immensely and may not have the same interests as he does now. So, for God's sake let me remember. Remember what he was like at age two.